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A friend asked me for a few random phrases for an `Act the Hat' game: you pick out a slip of paper from a hat and you have to act it out for your friends. I've always liked these.. non-sequiturs? My favourite is `The other snake has gone away.'
I came up with these. The vast majority of them are `original' to me. Please don't send others.
How to tip an Italian waiter. So.. you've just vacuumed your mother's cat? Don't drop blood on the carpet. That's not the best use for a mouse. Could you remove your piano from my foot, please? I didn't know mice were so large. You thought my Nair was shampoo? What an interesting colour Herr Hitler. Is that an axe in your head, or are you just pleased to see me? Is that earwax? Is that broom still functional? No, they're both the same. Why are you still listening to this drivel? Under my bedroom floor. Can I have that in tartan? A goat, you say? I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition! Mmm, that's lovely moisturising cream. Did they mean to put that on backwards? How long has this been happenning? What did they do after they'd inflated it? I can't see that far. Good gracious - did that dog just talk? Three acres of what? This cleansing fluid is defective. Which version of Windows did you say you were using? Are those all your own teeth? You've lost your bikini? I didn't mention bread! It's awfully dark here. That's a novel kitchen appliance. I signed you up for Personal Hygene 101. Did you forget to take your socks off again? That wasn't a gypsy. You can't microwave those! Are you certain that's edible? It's gone under the oven. The stairs aren't working today. Are you a famous weatherman? I only caught the last three words. Despite superficial similarites, that isn't a hat. Can I borrow your monocle? My trousers were mistaken. That snail often displays poor judgement. Would you like to see my puppies? Please use both sides of the pavement. Could you buy that for me? I can't polish that! I didn't know you could speak Urdu. Can I do that on my back? Does that come with free flippers too? Wow, popcorn! You have some spinach between your teeth. It's never made that noise before. How did you fit that in there? Doesn't that melt rather easily?
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|This page last changed Fri May 30 02:32:50 2003|